my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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