I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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