Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
