It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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