I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
