i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
