My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we're making bets on your personal life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
