when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Randomize
