people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I pour the whiskey from now on
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
