The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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