I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
