She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
