i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
