I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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