I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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