I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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