I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
