watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
