I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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