the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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