Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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