I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
