Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
