Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
