I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
