he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
