dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
