on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
