I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
