I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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