Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
