oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
