At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
