i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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