Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
