these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
