my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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