I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
