Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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