i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
