Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
