somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
