I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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