You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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