I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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