im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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