Grow some girl-balls and come out already
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
