we're chasing vodka with high fives
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
