So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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