Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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