rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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