i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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