I am puke
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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